Media Monday: The Ewing Family

This Media Monday post comes from Goshen, Indiana. The Ewing family had a wonderful story published in their local news outlet, the Goshen News, spreading awareness and acceptance during Craniofacial Acceptance Month. Thank you Ewings! Your beautiful story encourages many who find strength and refuge in their strong faith.

Ben, Jeannie, Felicity, and Sarah Ewing

From the article:
It’s a different journey than that taken by other parents they know, as the Ewings’ days are consumed with doctor’s appointments, testing, dealing with social service agencies and trips to Riley Hospital for Children. All this provides a lesson in patience and humility, the couple said.

“We may do different things on weekends but the goal is the same — to have a closer family,” Ben said.

During this Craniofacial Acceptance Month and beyond, the couple most wants others to realize “the simplest thing — to look beyond our physical differences and look at the heart of a person. Every soul is unique with gifts and talents,” Ben said.

“Don’t be afraid or uncomfortable with someone who’s different. Make eye contact,” Jeannie urged. “Stop and see the person — the human within.”

- See more at: Goshen News Online

Welcome to the CCA Family, Sarah!

Thoughtful Thursday: My Mantras

“Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively.” 
-Sharon Salzberg

I am guilty of a bad habit: a lot of negative self-talking. My younger self tried diligently to manage every possible outcome of a situation before it happened. I was constantly afraid that my friends would be embarrassed by me, my coworkers/boss would be disappointed with me, or I would just look stupid when I attempted ... anything really, from taking a turn bowling to asking a cute guy to share his class notes.  

To get over these anxieties and negative thought patterns, I've read a lot about meditation and “Being present in the moment.” Being present helps me perform better in meetings and interviews, it allows me to stick to my principles in difficult situations, and it calms my mind when life gets overwhelming.

However, meditation is definitely something one must learn and practice. I’m still a novice, but I have claimed a few mantras that help me return to the present when I find myself languishing in the past or nail-biting the future.

Erica’s Top Four Mantras

1. Time Will Pass. I have several iterations of this mantra, but I have found this phrase to be comforting whenever I'm "stuck" in a situation. I particularly like to use this mantra when I'm feeling regretful or embarrassed. I get in plank position (also great for core strength!) and repeat "time will pass." Taking even 3 minutes to slow down and focus reminds me that every situation is temporary and meditating prevents me from putting a negative thought reel on replay.
2. Feelings are just feelings. I had a great counselor once share this with me: she said, “So what if you feel crappy? It’s just a feeling. Feel it, acknowledge it, but realize this feeling is an emotion, made up of chemical responses and thought patterns.” What you decide to do in a situation should not be based on a feeling, because feelings come and go. When I have a feeling that is overwhelming and halting my progress, I sit in dignity* and repeat “Feelings are just feelings.” Pretty soon, I don’t feel the same – I feel calmer, slightly more in control, and even a little hopeful. (Remember I said this took a year to practice? Just trust the process and keep trying.)
3. Abide with me. This mantra is actually a hymn my Mom used to sing to me when I had to wear a dental device that required nightly tightening. It hurt quite badly and I would be very upset when it was time for the crank. My mom would have me lay on my bed and close my eyes. She would softly sing the song and rub my hand. I still remember the peace that came over me in those moments. Now, when I am in intense pain that can't be avoided, I lay out flat or in child’s pose, and I repeat the mantra in my head. I love the word abide when dealing with pain. With pain, you can't just will it away; you are forced to abide in it. This song reminds me of the people who are with me in spirit: from my family all the way to my ancestors who never had the luxury of medication, climate-controlled bedrooms, and a post-surgery Coca-Cola.
4. Show Up, Be Tough. I feel a twinge of guilt admitting this, knowing what my CCA little brothers and sisters go through on a daily basis, yet it's true: I freak out a little when I have to get an IV. Once the blasted needle is in and taped up, I'm fine, but right before or during the sticking part I sometimes usually faint. Oy. Last week I had to have an IV, so I decided to try my meditation skills to prevent myself from fainting. I chose "Show up, be tough," because showing up means being in the moment. I didn't want to let my brain check out and faint as a defense mechanism -- I wanted to be in my body and acknowledge the care being given. Be tough means just that and I channeled my younger CCA sibs and their natural-born toughness to get through it. I also played a couple of calming songs on my iPhone and my nurse shared that she does this too during dental procedures. Full disclosure, when she flushed the IV, I did almost faint (ick, that taste and smell) but through meditation I stayed present and avoided passing out. I consider this a huge success and you are free to chuckle at my wimpiness. :) 

So, those are a few mantras that work for me. Think about ones that may work in your life and here's another blog post about mantras with even more suggestions. I encourage you to begin incorporating meditation into your wellness care. I can honestly say I knew about the benefits of meditation before I started practicing, but after just a year of practice I have found that meditation is a wonderful tool for medical patients.

Namaste, y’all. 

--Erica

*Sitting in dignity is a pose where you sit in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, back straight with shoulders relaxed, with your hands flat on your lap. Your eyes should be closed, but you should look straight ahead. Try to feel your muscles relaxing all the way from your head to your feet, as you breathe in compassion and breathe out fear, anxiety, and negativity. 

The Magic of the Season

Now that the kids are out of school for Christmas break, we have finally been able to have some fun family time together. We’ve built a Lego set, went to the movies, read books, did some shopping, and have enjoyed simply being at home. We are always so rushed with after-school activities, dinner, homework, and weekend commitments, that I especially appreciate this break. It is rare that we have “free time” to do anything more than what must get done—making lunches, studying for tests, finishing school projects, being on time for appointments, etc. There is absolutely never enough time to get everything done!

I know that Peter, in particular, enjoys his freedom at home. It has always been a haven of comfort after surgeries and hospitalizations. It’s where he hangs out with his brother, reads, plays video games, and watches movies. No white coats or needles allowed! It’s also a relatively quiet environment where he isn’t subjected to a lot of background noise, which is irritating due to his unilateral hearing.

After Peter was born, we began our Christmas tradition of being "home for the holidays”. Thanksgiving is celebrated with my husband’s family, and we visit my relatives for a weekend before Christmas. On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we go into hibernation. Usually, we are fortunate to have grandparents come to stay and share in our quiet holiday together. Christmas is the one day every year that I try to do absolutely nothing but enjoy my family and give thanks for all the blessings that we have in our lives.

We have celebrated Christmas with Peter in the hospital. We have opened presents when Peter was sick. And, we have celebrated it with Peter either recovering from a surgery or knowing that one is just around the corner. Regardless of the location or circumstances, however, our Christmas has always been spent together. The boys are growing up quickly, and I know this won’t last forever. Since I can’t hit a pause button, I plan to really appreciate the magic that every holiday brings for us. The miracle of Christmas, for me, is the three amazing guys in my life. I love them so very much.

Whatever your beliefs and traditions, it is my hope that you can enjoy some peace and simply pause to appreciate the magic of the season.

Why is the sky blue?

Earlier this week we were having a typical busy night of homework, dinner, and after-school activities when Peter says the following to me: “I understand that Jesus died for our sins so that we can have eternal life. But, why did God allow his Son to suffer so much?” I stopped in my after dinner cleanup chores, shook my head, and said, “What?” “Why did Jesus have to suffer?” He said again.

I was speechless. Peter has been asking a lot about heaven, which is not surprising since he just lost his cousin. Losing a loved one certainly makes us all question our beliefs. But, “Why do people suffer?” “Why would a parent (the almighty God) watch his child suffer?” Those are some pretty heavy thoughts for an eleven-year old.

Well, I said, let’s go look in some books. Peter and I both have the bookworm gene, so this next step was predictable. The two of us were noses buried in various Bibles and theology books for some time. We also did some research on the Internet. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find an explanation that satisfied either of us. If anything, I think we both had more questions! Finally, I said (feeling a headache come on), “Why don’t you go play a video game, and we can ask your Dad when he gets home!” Whew, I thought. This is way too deep of a conversation for 8:00 on a Wednesday night.

Belief is a challenging topic for parents, especially ones with medically-involved children who endure countless trials. I plan to continue this conversation with Peter since, as he said the next day, “Yeah Mom, you were pretty clueless.” I suppose that’s true, but, hey, he caught me off guard! I’m guessing that Peter will someday enlighten me with a far better answer than what we could find in a book or on the computer. In the meantime, I’ll continue praying for guidance and wisdom on how to raise such a thoughtful and challenging son.