By Kara Jackman
It’s funny, you meet people and interact with them on a
regular basis, and never imagine your relationship will end. This was
especially the case with Dr. B. It never occurred to me that I would, one day,
never see him every month, or every couple of weeks. He was a fixture in my
life from about age 12 to 26.
The bilateral cleft lip and palate team, during the time I
was a patient at the hospital, did not have a psychologist on its team. They
did prior to my time of care. It did not matter for much of the time I was treated
for my cleft lip and palate issues because I had Dr. B who helped me with these
self-esteem and interpersonal issues.
Dr. B. was a person who unknowingly helped me develop my
social skills. He allowed me to be snarky, funny, and smart. I felt like I fit
right into the world in a way that was not fully realized when I went back out
onto the sidewalk or back to school after our appointments.
Here are five life
lessons I learned while sitting in the dental chair:
1. Wit and Comedic Timing
Dr. B would love to bring in the dental students and show
off his hard work inside my mouth. I would say funny things as they “ooo’d” and
“ahhhh’d” as Dr. B explained what he had accomplished. He moved my teeth around
quite a bit. In fact, he even twisted one into a straight position, which was
his great bragging rite to the students. I remember saying something along the
lines of, “he’s pretty great, right?” or “what a guy?” to the five or more
gathered students. This happened on more than one occasion. It made me laugh
because I always predicted the explanation by Dr. B and the reaction by the
students. And I am sure he knew what I was thinking every time.
2. Cultivate Self Esteem and Share Mutual Respect
Most people do not look forward to going to the dentist, but
I did, and to some extent still do most likely due to this wonderful, caring
doctor. I knew I was going to laugh, show off my quick wit, and converse on
just about everything. Many of the others that worked at the clinic treated me
like a peer, as if I worked there, not as a child being treated. This was a
clear sign of respect. I knew I had value in that environment, so I knew I must
have value in the other places, too. When you have a facial difference, the
reinforcement of your value in the world is significant to good mental health.
3. Find Allies
I’m sure I talked about friend and peer situations at school
with him, and I’m sure Dr. B gave advice, but nothing specific comes to mind.
He was a paternal figure in my life that I knew I could count on. You have to
have allies when you are different. Whether it be your skin color, or your
sexual orientation, you need to know people are in your corner ready to support
you.
4. Develop Resilience and Participate In Productive Teamwork
Thanks to Dr. B, I was able to experience pain with some
grace and dignity. Many times we both knew it was going to hurt, but we got
through it together. I would always close my eyes tight and moan, and he would
encourage me to just hang in there to put a little more pressure on those teeth
he wanted to move. This was a lesson in resilience. An incident with his
colleague, Dr. S, who I also love dearly, illustrates another great example of
resilience, and learning to lean on another in time of mental and physical
strife. Dr. S. wanted to take some impressions of my teeth to make a mold for
one contraption or another that would eventually land in my mouth.
Unfortunately, during this series of impressions (a process that is miserable
to begin with) some of the composite, or gunky material that would make the
mold of my teeth, got pressed up, in between my mouth and my nasal cavity. I
was born with a complete bilateral cleft lip and palate, which means that the
oral and nasal cavity are not separated by tissue and bone in certain
locations. Dr. S. tried, and tried, and tried to get the composite out with the
high-powered suction, and an explorer for over an hour. It was extraordinarily
painful for me. Finally, both of us were exhausted, pasty white, and waving the
white flag of surrender. I got up and felt the need to blow my nose. The
composite came out my nostrils. Dr. S and I were shocked, gobsmacked, with our
jaws wide open. When my mother arrived at the door to the treatment room she
could not believe how tired and white we both looked. And there were many more
times with Dr. B. where resiliency and the
“we-are-going-to-get-through-this-together” attitude helped us reach the finish
line.
If I had enough fight in me, and was resilient for all those
procedures, what could the world possibly throw at me inter-personally that I
could not handle? A lot. But I got through it.
5. Sometimes Other People Have To Believe In You Before You
Can Believe In Yourself
Dr. B always saw the beauty in me. He never questioned me
the way I questioned myself. Am I fun? Am I interesting? Do people even want me
around? No, Dr. B did not question those things at all. I learned that I was
fun, interesting, and that people do want to be around me. How did I know? He
treated me as a friend, not a patient. He showed me my worth by how he chose to
interact with me. His example spoke louder than words. This is one of the
greatest gifts a person can give to another that by all outward appearances is
different.
He was the dentist that tweaked my teeth, my self-esteem,
and my life. I will always be thankful for these gifts. Thank you, Dr. B.