Confronting & Resolving: One Approach to Bullying

“It is in the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn.” --M. Scott Peck

Confronting & Resolving: One Approach to Bullying

by Sabrina Robineau 

Junior High is an exciting, yet nerve-wracking time in an adolescent’s life. It’s a whole different world that comes with new opportunities and challenges. However, nothing could have prepared me for the challenge that I was about to face on my first day of Junior High….

First of all, I have to note that I was very fortunate in elementary school. I had many friends and everyone knew who I was. Every time I had surgery, I would receive get-well cards from all the classes. School was my safe place; I was sheltered from the stares and teasing. It was my escape from the discrimination I faced in the outside world.

When I was 12 years old, it came time to enter a new school. I was more excited than nervous because I now had independence. Junior High felt so  'grown up.’ I also still felt safe because some of my friends from elementary school would be there. On the first day, we were assigned to our homeroom. I excitedly looked at my schedule and explored the hallways until I found the classroom. I’ll never forget how it felt when I first walked in. It suddenly became very quiet as all the students stopped talking and turned to look at me. I figured “oh they’re just looking because I’m the last one to walk in.” As I sat at a desk, I noticed that they weren't just looking -- they were actually staring at me. Some students were whispering to each other and snickering. I thought to myself “what is going on here? This has never happened in school before!” – what was once a safe place for me, would soon become a place that I hated.

Not only was I stared at in class, but in the hallways as well. I remember that gnawing feeling I had in my stomach as I passed by the lockers. Students would be whispering, pointing and staring. I tried to ignore it and focus on the friends from my old elementary school. I figured the stares would eventually go away. Unfortunately, it continued on for weeks. Finally, I decided “enough is enough!” I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to feel comfortable at school again. Therefore, I set up a meeting with the guidance counselor. I told her that how desperately I wanted everyone to know that I’m still the same as everyone else, even though I look different. Unsure of what to do, we went to see the principal. She suggested that I go in front of every class and talk about Pfeiffer Syndrome and answer any questions they might have. Some people might ask “Wow, weren't you shy to do that?” – Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous at all. I was so determined to speak up and show everyone the real me. I wanted them to see that there was nothing to be afraid of.

The following day, the principal and I addressed our first class. It was intimidating to face the students, but I kept my head up high and proudly talked about my syndrome and what I’d been through. To my surprise, I got a very pleasant reaction from the students! They were interested in what I had to say and they asked many questions such as, “Does Pfeiffer Syndrome affect your intelligence?” (It does not.) I received the same positive reaction from all the classes. I began to realize that the students were not staring just to be mean … they were only curious. They were faced with the unfamiliar and they didn’t know how to react. They did not have the knowledge to understand why I looked different. 

When I went back to school the next day, my world was completely changed. Instead of getting stares and whispers; I got big smiles and waves, “Hi Sabrina!” – There was no more hesitation or wondering “Why does she look like that?” I made new friends and school became my safe place again.

What would have happened if I never had the courage to speak up? Nothing. Nothing would have changed. I would have continued to be stared at. I would have spent my 2 years at Junior High being miserable. I am so thankful that I had the support of the principal who encouraged me to face the students. Once I educated them about Pfeiffer Syndrome, it was no longer unfamiliar to them. I told the students to never judge a book by its cover because it’s what on the inside that counts!

Standing Up to Cyberbullying

CCA wants to make the world a kinder place.

One way we accomplish that mission is to prevent and end bullying, in schools and online.

Unfortunately, many of our CCA Alums & Adults are familiar with bullying tactics and have been bullied by classmates, peers, and even adults. Today's post is a personal account of how CCA Adult Frederick Seitz handled a bullying situation. 

Stay tuned this week for informative, inspiring posts about living life beyond bullying. 

Together, we'll #EndCyberBullying through education, empathy, assertiveness, kindness, and courage.

Be Ruthless to #EndCyberBullying

by Frederick Seitz 

Little over four years ago, in the September of 2010, I bought my first car -- a 1999 Jeep Wrangler Sport. I saved up a lot of money from my birthdays, holidays, and special occasions over pretty much all my life up to that time. I was in my senior year of high school at the time. I was thrilled to show it off to my friends, classmates, and family. Little did I realize that only a week later, I would become a victim of cyber bullying on Facebook.

A female classmate wrote a Facebook post that didn't mention me by name directly but described attributes that people knew were only related to one person: ME. I don't remember her exact words but the post mocked my disabilities including my craniofacial difference, my deafness, and even my religious beliefs. It was clear to me that she was extremely ignorant of my true abilities and of the fact that deaf people can really do anything EXCEPT physically hear sounds. She mocked my ability to drive and went far to question why I even have a driver’s license.

Unfortunately for her and lucky for me, her post backfired completely on her.

Soon, dozens of comments from my classmates posted, all rallying behind me as they called her out for cyberbullying me. I remember reading the comments and I was surprised at how many people were defending me. That time was one of the times I learned who my real friends and allies were. The next morning after I learned of this harassing post, I brought a printed-out hardcopy of it to the principal’s office. It wasn't long before the word went around most of my other classmates about this disturbing incident. Shortly after this, I confronted this female classmate face-to-face and told her that I knew what she wrote about me.

What happened next proved what I suspected to be true: she claimed that she thought my deafness and my craniofacial difference would impair my ability to drive.

Honestly, her excuses enraged me. How could she - how could anyone - believe this about me?

However, I used this event as an opportunity to set the record straight in front of my peers and to understand what motivated her actions.

I was proud of my ability to save money from hard work and a generous family, which I am fortunate to have, and I was insulted that she would publicly belittle me and assail my abilities, when I am clearly thriving in this world.

Whatever motivated her actions: envy, insecurity, or anger, I knew that her issues did not have to become mine. Responding to cyberbullying takes courage and empathy, assertiveness and ruthlessness.

To respond with ruthlessness means:

Do not show them that you're afraid, ever.

That's how bullies control you: fear. But beyond your fear, realize that two common reasons people bully are out of ignorance and for control. You can correct the ignorance through empathy and education and you can remain in control of the situation by choosing to be courageous and assertive. 

Rely on the people who come to your defense, too, for they are your true friends and allies. Remember that.

Forgive Your Bullies, and Forgive Yourself Too

Our second post in our #EndBullying series is a reblog from The Washington Post's Kiley Bense.

Bense takes a look at the tendency for the bullied to become bullies or participate in bullying, even while they are victims themselves. The complexity of this issue makes it hard to recommend specific courses of action because the solutions truly lie in all of us understanding ourselves better so we can respond effectively to each situation and model assertive behavior.

Below are excerpts from Bense's article, but you have to read the whole post ... and see the photos.

As a kid, I was bullied. But I bullied, too. Does that make me a victim or an aggressor?
by Kiley Bense

As a child, I’d been a fearless know-it-all. In my teen years, I sank into myself. I became defensive and prickly, slinging sarcasm and insults to fend off teasing. Insecurity chewed away my confidence. I began to expect that any interaction with a peer was doomed to end in humiliation.

***

More than the tales we tell about others, the stories we tell about ourselves are only half-truths. Sometimes we’re trying to protect ourselves; sometimes we discard memories (purposefully or not) that don’t fit the person we’ve become or would like to be. But there are always traces of editing and rearranging, the fingerprints of time and interpretation.

***

I can’t deny that there’s pleasure in feeling fellowship with a group bonded against a common enemy, however opaque your reasons for that aggression may be. The fact is that human beings relish a witch hunt. We love a mob scene. We can’t wait to lob our frustrations at figureheads.

Most kids, like most people, aren’t ringleaders; they’re just swept up in the clamor and pull of the crowd. They are afraid that if they protest they will become the target instead. Middle schools, full of the vulnerable and shame-faced, are ruled by this fear, and so once was I.

***

The world isn’t neatly divided into bullies and the bullied; all victims conceal sins, and all villains carry sorrows and scars. You won’t be able to avoid being both, though you don’t have to be both in equal measure. You aren’t defined by the gap-toothed oddball that you used to be, no more than the classmates who tattooed those words on your brain space are defined by the rude face they turned on you.

Forgive your bullies, and you forgive yourself, too.

---
Check out the full article here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/01/27/as-a-kid-i-was-bullied-but-i-bullied-too-does-that-make-me-a-victim-or-an-aggressor/

5 Things Not to Say about Someone's Weight

CCA wants to make the world a kinder place.

One way we accomplish that mission is to prevent and end bullying, teasing, and hurtful remarks, in social spaces and online. Unfortunately, many of our CCA Alums & Adults are familiar with bullying tactics and have been targeted by classmates, peers, and even adults. To help fight back against bullying, CCA is running a series of personal posts about how our Alums & Adults have handled bullying and teasing situations. Plus, we'll be posting resources from experts about how to promote safe and supportive relationships. Stay tuned this week for informative, inspiring posts about changing the way we react to others' comments - bullying, teasing, and even "harmless" remarks.

Some folks just have to comment on your looks every time they see you.
Maybe it's your face. Or your outfit. Or your smile. Or even your shoes.
Regardless of what has piqued their interest, you know they are looking because they're commenting. And while it is nice to receive a compliment, sometimes even well-meaning remarks bring up anxiety to those of us who already feel like a person on display.

Blogger Meg has experienced her share of frustrating comments, too, specifically about her weight. It can be exhausting to constantly answer others' questions, so keep Meg's tips in mind next time you - or your grandma - want to make a comment about another person's appearance. Whether you're curvy or angular, chubby or skinny, dark or light, tall or short... we're all people inhabiting the body we were born with. And we all want to be accepted for who we are, not what we look like.

5 Things NOT to Say to Someone Who's Thin
by Meg Storie

1. "You probably can eat anything you want and not gain a pound!"

No, I can't actually! I have Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). Any food high in fat or with milk upsets my stomach and sometimes triggers heartburn. I don't have fast food very often; it's a treat when I do. I love my frozen yogurt sometimes. And because of GERD, I must eat early, hours before bedtime.

2. "You look like you are ten!"

Let's be honest: I do not look like I'm ten. This statement is too quick of a reaction and you should have thought before you spoke. In my early twenties, this is the "compliment" I get mostly, but even though we universally accept that everyone wants to look younger, no one wants to be infantilized. I'm a woman, not a child.

3. "How much do you weigh? You must be only X pounds!"

This is not the Fair and I didn't just give you three chances to win a prize. You wouldn’t ask an overweight person how much they weigh, so you certainly don’t ask someone who’s underweight.

4. "Do you eat?

What a silly question! I wouldn't be here if I didn't! The truth is, I love to eat. I thoroughly enjoy discovering new recipes on apps, dark chocolate, and eating David's heart healthy dinners! Eating is something I enjoy, but I have to mind my restrictions for my health.

5. “You need to put some weight on you.”

This statement assumes so much about me that is really unfair. I have been small all my life, so barring any physical changes to my body's chemistry, I'll be staying this way. For many underweight people, it is just as hard to gain weight as it is for an overweight person to lose weight.

---
In the end, making the world a kinder place is about shifting our communication patterns from commenting on people's looks to connecting with their spirit. There are many ways to start a conversation or compliment someone.

If you're guilty of saying some of these things out of habit, why not brainstorm a list of creative things to say instead? We came up with 5 Alternatives to get you started...

1. Hi, Ginny! It is so great to see you! 
2. I have missed you, Maggie! Where should we get lunch?
3. Corbin, thanks for making it to the meeting! We're glad you're on our team.
4. You're such an inspiration, Jake! When did you starting running 5Ks?
5. Kelly, I have been eating way too much red meat lately. Do you know any good fish recipes you'd like to share?

Can you think of more? Share them in the comments!

Friday Remix: Ask Amy

Amy Poehler does this great web series called "Ask Amy." We've ran one before on the blog and I thought this particular video was also full of great advice, too. Check it out!

Media Monday: Lizzie Velasquez

Today's Media Monday post comes from Lizzie Velasquez, a motivational speaker and person with physical differences. I love Lizzie's story: She made her haters her motivators. Sure, anyone can say it but Lizzie lives it and proved it to be a successful philosophy.

I hope you'll watch her TEDx talk and feel inspired to take charge of your life. Her poise is truly skillful. I'm taking notes!



Lizzie also gave a talk aimed at children and teens.



Thank you Lizzie, for your commitment to positivity and progress. Kudos to you!

-Erica

The "Ugliest" Word & Social Media

Ahhh…Facebook. How I love to hate you.

Now, first a bit of full disclosure: I am an avid user of social media and some might say an almost pathological FB Poster. I imagine many have “unfriended” me given my prolific and at times picayune status updates. But, as the father of a child with craniofacial differences, the unfortunate posting below led me to the realization that social media will only add to the enormity of the challenges our “special” kids face.

Think before you post.

The oddity of this whole thing is that Nathaniel, our son with TCS, never even saw this ridiculous cartoon. But his Grandfather did. A description would help: My dad is and will forever be a “MAN’S MAN” at 6’ 4” and well over 200 lbs. Bearded. Even at age 69 his hands remain callused from 30 years of hardcore construction work. His body is somewhat ravaged by a life spent working to provide for his family. And I mean real work…not the stuff I’m blessed to do because he afforded me a better life. Paradoxically, this Man’s Man carries around a Chihuahua name Daisy. But more importantly, his love for his grandson Nathaniel knows no bounds. He’ll never show it, but I know at times this love brings him to his knees, like when he can’t take away the pain and struggle that facial differences cause his Grandson. He knows he can’t make the surgeries go away. He knows that some people will hurt Nathaniel despite our best intentions and this knowledge must cut him to the core.

"UGLY!" 

So for a second—just one second—try to imagine his pain when one of his “friends” posted the above cartoon. Imagine his pain when others “liked” it.

Ever since the day Nathaniel was born that word sends a fire raging through me. And to think it now causes my father and the rest of my family such pain, I’m left wondering: How do I—do we—react? Should I fire back on Facebook with some missive on the pain that word causes? I wonder are they even talking about kids like ours or even considering them?

And it’s not just kids like ours; it affects others outside our community. What about the Mom or Dad whose unaffected child just isn’t handsome or pretty enough as deemed by society? Is this post about their kid? What about the kids struggling with adolescence and concerns about their image? Is the post about them? In some way our craniofacial kids can handle this stuff better than most, but what impact does this word UGLY have more broadly? I can’t even begin to imagine. Did the creator of this meme even for a second, one single second, consider the pain he or she was causing?

This social media situation is all made more ironic by Nathaniel’s appearance on the NatGeo program Taboo. Now made even more prescient given the producers chose to title the episode "UGLY." The point of that show, and I suppose my current rambling, is the ongoing sentiment that anything different is UGLY.

Dictionary.com currently has the following definition of the word UGLY:

·         very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance.

But I would like to propose a new definition of the word UGLY:

·         the complete inability to see the beauty in everyone and everything;

·         an insensitivity to anything different or outside the norms of the conventional;

·         to act in a way that shows complete indifference to the feelings of others.

The power of social media is enormous and at times its power has wonderful results. One only need witness the “CHOOSE KIND” movement and the impact R.J.Palacio and the book Wonder has had around the country. But, with great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, we see far too many instances of social media’s power causing great pain and sorrow. So, as the father of an amazingly beautiful boy I hope and pray that we have the bravery and fortitude to respond to “UGLY” when we see it.

Collectively let’s make a promise to one another…

LET'S PROMISE...

As we continue to “CHOOSE KIND” we will remind the world the pain their definition of UGLY causes. 

And as we approach Thanksgiving, let’s be ever more thankful we know the true meaning of the word.

--Russel

Today's post is from Russel, a CCA Dad from Matthews, NC. Russel and his wife Magda have two sons,  Nathaniel and Jacob.

CAM: Inspiration

The Importance of Educating

Imagine a world where everyone knows what a craniofacial syndrome is; a world where a child with a craniofacial condition is able to play at the park without getting stared at or bullied. Can you imagine a world where no one is judged for what they look like on the outside? Where everyone is accepted for who they are on the inside? That would be a pretty amazing world, wouldn't it?

This summer I had the pleasure of working in a dining hall for the 2013 Canada Games. The place was filled with athletes. Among these athletes, I noticed one of them had Down syndrome. She was a very sweet girl who always came in with a smile on her face. What I also noticed was that no one stared at her or made rude comments. She just blended in with the crowd. Unfortunately, for me, this was not the case. Throughout each day, I would notice people staring at me as I worked. Even when I talked to some of them, I could tell by the way they were looking at me, that they were trying to make sense of my facial differences.

I began to wonder, why did they stare at me, but not at the other girl too? Suddenly, it dawned on me; familiarity. It is safe to say that a majority of the population is aware of Down syndrome. They teach us about it in elementary school and we also even see people with Down syndrome who are actors in TV shows and movies! This made me realize that the reason the athletes did not stare at that girl, is because they all knew about Down syndrome and so it was no big deal to them. When people are faced with someone that looks unfamiliar and different, it makes them curious and more likely to stare and sometimes even judge.

What I went through at work, got me even more excited for September to arrive. This month means a lot to me because it is our chance to educate others. The more we educate, the more we are able to wipe out ignorance. If we educate others about facial differences, then they’ll be more understanding and hopefully more accepting. Knowledge is power! Every time I meet someone new and tell them I was born with Pfeiffer syndrome, I always get the same response: “Pfeiffer syndrome? I've never heard of that! What is it?” My hope is that one day; people will automatically know and recognize what a craniofacial syndrome is. Therefore, if they see someone that looks different, they'll shrug it off like it's no big deal. How is this possible? By spreading awareness! For the past 2 years during Craniofacial Acceptance Month, I have put up CCA posters all around my university campus. This year was no exception. As I started putting up the posters, I got that feeling of excitement. When I walk to class and see all the yellow everywhere, it makes me proud to be a part of CCA and all that it stands for. I have always believed that we should never judge a book its cover. It's what's on the inside that matters!

Beyond the face is a heart :) 

--Sabrina

Showing off our Awareness Month Poster on Campus

Mom, I got this!

Last spring I was in a grocery store with my boys when a woman was very rude to us in the checkout line.  She was extremely annoyed because she believed we should be in a different line.  I finally looked her in the eye and asked, "Do you really need to act like this?"  Her arrogant reply was as expected, "I'm very busy.  You should be in the express line!"  I told the boys to go ahead as they had been waiting in line, and we were next.  The lady huffed and continued her attempt to make us feel uncomfortable.  I ignored her as we calmly took our time scanning and purchasing the three items we bought.  As we were leaving I said to Peter (loud enough that she could hear), "It's too bad that some people think they are more important and busier than everyone else."  Later in the car, I told Peter that she was an adult bully and that people like that don't expect anyone to stand up to them.  They think they can bulldoze their way through life by making others feel inadequate.  I explained to Peter that I was glad we didn't back down and let the woman go ahead of us, but I was also disappointed that I allowed such a rude person to upset me.  It didn't occur to me at the time how much Peter learned from my behavior that day.

Peter is attending a summer camp this month where no one is familiar with his differences.  He goes incognito with his prosthetic ear and wears a band-aid over his open stoma (trach hole).  The band-aid is obvious, but I was surprised when he said that one of the boys noticed "something different" about his ear prosthesis.  "Well, he must have noticed that it looks different and is curious," I said.  Peter just shrugged and remained silent on the issue.

Unfortunately I was wrong, something I suspect Peter already knew.  This boy repeatedly makes other students cry, destroys things, teases, and threatens.  Peter became his target last week when the boy told him to get off a piece of playground equipment.  When Peter refused, the kid became angry and shouted, "Your ear is weird, your neck creeps me out, and you talk funny!"  Peter, initially thinking he was joking, quickly realized the boy was serious and threatening.  So, he got off the playground equipment and walked away.

When Peter later told me the story, I was disappointed that he was so passive.  Fortunately, he didn't let me down because he went on to say, "But then I remembered what happened at the grocery store.  So, I walked up to the boy and said, 'You're a jerk'."  "YES!" I shouted with a fist pump.  I was so proud of him!  "You did exactly the right thing," I said.  "What did the boy do after you called him a jerk?"  "Nothing," said Peter.  "But some of the girls saw it happen and tried to make me feel better.  They like me (wink, wink)."

Peter tells me he has courage and is not a wimp.  He continues to stand up to this boy and is even protecting one of the other kids from his bullying.  I've asked repeatedly if he wants me to talk to the teachers.  "Mom," he says, "I got this.  I can handle it."  The incidents have mostly been name calling and hurtful words, so my inner mama bear is content to let things play out.  Also, I can tell that Peter is loving the activities and enjoying the company of the other kids and teachers.  That he is getting an unexpected lesson on how to stand up for himself is all the better.  I'm now the one learning from his leadership and behavior!

Peter Dankelson - 12 years old - Goldenhar Syndrome

Friday Remix: Prudie's Advice

Happy Friday, everyone!

Today's Friday Remix comes from the advice column "Dear Prudence." I think advice columns can be great resources for advice on difficult life situations, especially when written by credible sources.

Prudie (Emily Yoffe) recently tackled something that most of us reading this blog struggle with: How do I deflect negative comments about my looks? What do I say? (And Moms) How do I keep from blowing a gasket when someone is mean on the playground?

I think Prudie offers some sound advice, minus all the cosmetic/treatment suggestions. If cosmetics make you feel more confident, by all means use them! But to me, they don't guard against nosy / rude people effectively and they do not address the root issue of how to handle something as emotionally jarring as a stranger assaulting your appearance. So that advice is kinda meh and not applicable. However, I wanted to remix her column in our blog because it offers another perspective on something that we all deal with on a regular basis.

How do you think Prudie did? What you would recommend to "Unwanted Comments?"

Q. Unwanted Comments: I have a skin condition that causes me to look really red, like a bad sunburn. I've talked with my dermatologist, but unfortunately it's incurable with no treatment options. Sometimes if I'm really stressed or if I've been physically exerting myself, it flares up, and I'm loathe to go out in public. I've had complete strangers go up to me and trumpet, "Wow! Your face is really red! I mean, REALLY red!" I try to brush it off by saying, "Well, that's what I get for taking a cruise ... " However, last weekend I was shopping with a friend when an older man came up to me to (loudly) comment about how red I was. He even called his wife over to look! I uncharacteristically snapped and swore at him, calling him things I can't type here and getting in his space until he quickly slunk off. To be honest, it felt good to let him know what I really thought of all of these awful comments! My friend was shocked at how rude I was and told me that I shouldn't have done that. She knows about my skin condition and has heard the comments before, but when I told her he deserved it and I was sick of being polite, she told me she had to go and left the store. Prudie, I'm so sick and tired of these comments. I'm also upset that my friend doesn't understand how embarrassing and frustrating it is to have people constantly commenting on my appearance. What should I do?

A: It is truly astounding that strangers think they have a right to invade the privacy of those with unusual conditions or disabilities or who have children of a different race, etc. Over the years I've had many questions from these beleaguered troops on how to deflect nosy strangers. The most helpful advice has come from others in the same circumstance, who often advise quick disengagement. Simply walking away can be the best strategy. That way you have underlined the rudeness of the inquiry without the emotional cost to you of engagement. Others have suggested a quick, "Excuse me, I don't talk to strangers." But the key is to have a go-to response that allows you to deflect the inquiry and get on with your day. I totally understand that on this occasion this man was so rude that he flipped a switch in you that caused you to make a scene. However embarrassed your friend was, surely she should have been appalled by the crudeness of the man who insulted you, and she should have understood that sometimes things are just too much and we snap. Of course, you don't want to make a habit of letting fly, but if giving this guy the business this one time gave you a sense of relief, then he sounds like a particularly deserving recipient. Now that things have calmed down, you could reach out to your friend and explain that being pointed at like a circus freak simply made you snap and that you're sorry she had to witness a scene that upset her. If she isn't understanding, then she's not much of a friend. I'm also wondering, however, how much of a doctor your dermatologist is. Of course he or she may be right and there may be simply nothing to do about your condition. But I think this requires a second opinion to make sure you are not missing out on any possible new treatments. I also think you should look into temporary cosmetic fixes. There are skin foundations that are used to cover birthmarks that may be a good solution for you. You say your condition is sometimes so bad you don't want to go out in public, but it's terrible to feel constricted that way. It could be with a few minutes of cosmetic art, you could much more confidently blend into the crowd.

The Wonder of Wonder

Contagious acts of kindness started taking place in classrooms around the country this school year.  Many teachers were inspired to read the book Wonder by R.J. Palacio with their students.  For the classes that read the book, the message will remain with them forever:  Choose Kind.  

CCA was thrilled to come across such a positive story about a young boy living with a facial difference and wished to give it our full support.  We have always wanted to develop an educational outreach program to schools, and Wonder gave us the bridge to do finally do it.  Throughout this school year, CCA offered supportive materials to teachers, promoted the book on our website (ccakids.org), launched the "Choose Kind Challenge", offered to connect students with real-life Auggies, and developed simple and inexpensive merchandise for kids to show off their support.

From simply reading this book, random acts of kindness toward those living with craniofacial differences is happening. For the first time, our CCA kids have a platform that is encouraging them to be proud of and show off their differences.

I witnessed so many amazing things transpire this school year!  Like this photo, for example, of students leaning in to be close to Peter after hearing our "Beyond the Face is a Heart" presentation.  These students are definitely not showing any fear of getting the "Stinky Cheese Touch or Plague!"  How amazing is that?

Peter Dankelson with Students from Power Upper Elementary in Michigan
May 2013

I've watched student-created tribute videos like these that honor CCA kids.

Standing Ovation for CCA WonderKid Peter from 5th Graders in Baltimore

Standing Ovation for CCA from Versailles Middle School in Ohio

You are Beautiful video by The Princess Generation Book Club for CCA WonderKid Camryn

I've been brought to tears by student thank you notes like these from 4th & 5th graders at Pine Knob Elementary in Michigan.

Thank you so much for coming in to talk to us!  I learned a lot about being different and how it feels.  You are an awesome kid, you are very, very brave.  Also, thanks for telling us and reminding our class that you shouldn't judge someone on the outside,
because it's what's on the inside.  From, Chloe

Thanks so much for stopping by our class, Peter!  Your presentation really made an impact on my life!  You're a really funny guy!
I hope you have a great summer and cross your fingers and hope you get picked to star in Wonder!  From, Matthew

Dear Peter, Thank you for coming into our classroom on Thursday.  You really enforced the choose kind rule.  Also you are a brave boy because of how many surgeries you have went through and how you come places to talk about CCA.
Lastly, I thank you for giving us the bracelets.  You're a great kid.  Sincerely, Owen
Thanks Peter for coming in and telling us about CCA.  You told us a lot.  Guess what, when I got home I searched Auggie on the Internet and a picture of you came up.  You're famous!  Your Friend, Grace!

To Peter, Thank you for coming in to our class.  You were brave to come and talk about what you have.  Is CCA in Michigan or out of the state?  Do you like going to different places?  You are so funny!  I wish I had a remote and could rewind that whole presentation because that was really fun.  Do you know Mrs. Conner because I am her son.  I am so glad you could come here.  I hope you can come here when I am in 5th grade so I can see this again.  Do you want to play Auggie in the movie Wonder if they make the movie?
My Mom says Hi.  By, Jack
Even though you look different you have a big heart (no name)

Peter, thanks for coming in and sharing such valuable lessons that you have learned over the years.  We all really appreciated it.
It was very special meeting you.  Thank you for all the great stories and lessons!  They taught us a lot!!  Thanks, Abbey

Dear Peter, Thanks so much for coming to our classroom.  I would love to see you again so you can tell us more about yourself.  I really want to read the book Wonder and I hope you get picked to play the role of Auggie.  I don't care what you look like!
I care about the inside!  Your friend, Lily
Dear Peter, Thank you for coming in and teaching us about the CCA and yourself.  It does not matter what is on the outside, it matters what's on the inside and you are beautiful on the outside.  Sincerely, Ally

Thank You.  Dear Peter, You are the best kid I've ever known and your presentation was the best.  And I learned that the looks don't matter, the character matters so thank you.  Your buddy, Kyle
Peter - Thank you for coming in.  I learned a lot about you.  You are such a brave kid to have all those surgeries.
From, Alana (who also drew the "Everyone is Different" picture

Dear Peter, Thank you for coming to our classroom.  You made a big impact on me... even though you can look different,
everyone should be treated the same and with kindness.  Sincerely, Stephen

And, these Thank you notes from Portola Hills Elementary in California... Peter Reading Thank You #1 and Thank you #2.

I've read newspaper articles like these covering the book and creating awareness about CCA.

Newspaper story about how CCA Mom, April Gorman, inspired her community to read Wonder Wonder the book: Choose to be Kind published in Lake Highlands Texas paper

Newspaper story covering CCA's "Beyond the Face is a Heart" presentation to students Student Brings Touch of Wonder to School published in Farmington Michigan Observer

I've seen entire communities read Wonder and then embrace CCA's vision of "a world where all people are accepted for who they are, not how they look".  The cities of Santa Monica, Naperville, Rhode Island, and Tacoma are just a few that hosted community reads of Wonder and then passed out CCA literature at book discussions and author visits (R.J. Palacio visits Santa Monica)

I've witnessed students complete CCA's "Choose Kind Challenge" by donating their own money in support of kids like Auggie.  

Students from Sweet Home Middle School in New York bought CCA's Choose Kind wristbands

Students from St. Patrick School in Michigan donated over $400 and
purchased wristbands, buttons & bookmarks

Wonder is an incredible tool that teaches kids about empathy and kindness; it is destined to become part of every school's curriculum.  I have no doubt that acts similar to those mentioned here will occur in classrooms next school year.  CCA's own "Kindness Ambassadors", who are sharing the story of Wonder and bravely showing off their differences, are the real-life heroes who are making a positive impact in their schools and communities.  Bravo to these teachers, students, libraries, and CCA Families everywhere.  As Summer would say, "You are all "Cool Beans!"