Several
years ago R.J. Palacio had a life-altering experience when she had a very brief encounter with a craniofacial
child at an ice cream parlor. The negative
reaction of her young sons to seeing someone different left a permanent impression. Ms. Palacio spent years, both
consciously and subconsciously, thinking about this incident and putting
herself in the shoes of the child with a facial difference. I believe this is why her debut novel, Wonder,
gives such an insightful perspective of what it really feels like to not only be
a 10-year old boy with an extreme facial difference but to also be the parent,
the sibling, or the friend of someone who looks different.
One of the
things I like the most about Wonder is how it encompasses the entire
family dynamic. As parents of children
with a craniofacial condition, we already know how it impacts both us and our
other children. Having lived over a
decade as Peter’s mom, I can reflect on how I used to obsess over stares at the
grocery store and incidents at the playground.
I was always consciously aware of his differences. Thankfully, I had time to adjust to my
role as his parent before having to coach him through social situations. As he’s gotten older, Peter has taught me as
much or more as I have taught him on how to interpret and navigate social incidents. The important thing is that we have learned
together, as a family, and that is a main theme that endears me to Wonder. Like Auggies’s family, we have found that
openness and a sense of humor are usually the best ways to encourage
acceptance.
For our
family, the timeliness and issues discussed in Wonder, couldn’t be
better. Peter, like the main character “Auggie”,
is entering middle school and has a fascination for Star Wars, video games, and
science. They also both appreciate the
unconditional love of a pet, the anonymity of wearing a mask on Halloween, and the benefits of using humor to put others at ease about their differences. Although I don’t feel that Peter’s craniofacial
condition is as extreme as Auggie’s, they do both have small/missing ears,
trouble eating/swallowing, and the need to wear a very noticeable hearing aid
at school. I know that Peter, who has
read the book, can relate to all of these things. He can also relate to some of the teasing,
questions, and staring that Auggie encounters.
In giving Peter the book, I was worried about how emotionally hard
some of those parts might be for him to read.
Having read it first though, I was able to easily discuss the story with
him. In fact, it provided a lighter way
to discuss some very heavy topics. Peter
loved the book and wants all of his friends to read it so, “they will understand
me better.”
Unlike the
fictional Auggie who has an older sister, Peter has a younger brother. Because our youngest is only seven, we don’t
have as much experience with sibling social issues. In my experience with attending the CCA
family retreats, however, I am always impressed with the older siblings. They are some of the most mature and
compassionate young adults I have ever met.
I’m so thankful that Jacob will also grow up attending the CCA Family
retreats; that he will have established friendships with others who know what
it’s really like to have a brother or sister who’s different. Auggie’s older sister, Olivia, brings up important
sibling issues of not feeling as important and not wanting to be defined as “the
sister”. We learn how Auggie’s condition
impacted her friendships growing up and how they still affect her as she starts
a new high school where no one knows about Auggie. Ms. Palacio does an amazing job of developing
Olivia’s sibling perspective as well as those of Auggie’s friends and parents.
The fact
that Wonder is bringing national recognition to craniofacial differences
in an extremely positive way, gives me hope that our society will someday
embrace what we as craniofacial families already know: “Beyond
the Face is a Heart”. As part of CCA’s
campaign to promote September as craniofacial acceptance month, I am thrilled
to announce that we have partnered with Random House to sell Wonder and to support
their “Choose Kind” anti-bullying
campaign.
If age
appropriate, Wonder and the “Choose
Kind” website are excellent tools to encourage discussion at schools and
other community forums. I intend to use both
for an acceptance program I am helping to develop at Peter’s middle school. With the escalation of violence and bullying
in our schools, there has never been a more accessible and relevant time to
approach school administrations about implementing an acceptance program. Our kids make lasting impressions on everyone
they meet no matter how brief the encounter.
As craniofacial families, I think it is our collective responsibility to
ensure that those impressions are overwhelmingly positive. If we are lucky, they may even be as
life-altering and widespread as Ms. Palacio’s experience was in that ice cream
parlor.
Here are some ways you can use Wonder to promote September as "Craniofacial Acceptance Month"...
- Contact
Annie Reeves at CCA’s office to order your copy of Wonder and to request
other materials that can help you promote September as craniofacial acceptance
month. CCA is offering the book for
$12/book (shipping included). CCA's office number is (214) 570-9099 or 1-800-535-3643.
- Visit www.choosekind.tumblr.com to make your “Choose Kind” pledge and to access
anti-bullying resources and download the educator guide.
- Visit Ms.
Palacio’s website at www.rjpalacio.com
for book club questions.
- Promote the
book on Twitter by using #thewonderofwonder.
- Find Wonder
on Facebook by searching “wonderthebook” or linking to (https://www.facebook.com/wonderthebook)
- View and
share the book trailer video for Wonder.
It’s accessible on all the websites and social media outlined above.
