THE BEST ADVICE I EVER RECEIVED
As a new mother four years ago, I
felt lost in a world full of competent and happy parents who appeared to have
this “parenting thing” figured out; of course, I accepted their unsolicited
advice, which I soon discovered was anything but empathetic or compassionate. Until becoming a mom was a personal
experience, I truly was clueless that people are so extremely opinionated and often judgmental or abrasive when it
comes to (what I call) different “camps” of parenting extremes.
On the one hand, I had veteran moms
telling me that breastfeeding is the only
way to go, and they were such purists that their worldview included the belief
that feeding your baby formula was almost a sacrilege, because it was so
unnatural. Personally, I struggled with
nursing due to postpartum issues and a general lack of knowledge or will to
exclusively do so; there is an independent and often fiery spirit in my nature
that beckons for me to rediscover my identity apart from the title of “mom” or
“wife.” At times, I simply felt
smothered and suffocated if glued to my newborn baby 24/7. These purists were also the ones who
suggested we try co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact in between co-sleeping
sessions.
The thought of this made me nauseated,
mostly because these were practices that had not occurred to me prior to our
oldest daughter’s birth. Ben and I had a
nursery all set up, complete with new crib, and we fully intended to use the
crib immediately upon taking our daughter home from the hospital. But I also felt sick due to guilt, because I
truly felt these women were those “supermoms” you read about who can honestly
do anything and do it with incredible fervor and gusto. Alas, I fell short of this title, and so I
thought myself a total failure.
Then there were the parents who
cautioned me about discipline once our daughter approached her first
birthday. “Spanking is so passé,” they
would explain with nonchalance mixed with self-righteousness. “Corporal punishment simply doesn’t work and
isn’t rooted in any scientific evidence.”
There I went again with that internal dialogue as I listened to these
soliloquies from different moms – some close friends, others acquaintances and
still others who were strangers. In my
mind, I assumed that a quick swat on the rear now and again wasn’t going to
permanently damage my child; of course, I concluded this would be a last resort for discipline and not my
go-to response every time a behavior needed to be corrected. Yet I still felt inferior in some way and as
if my parenting style was “wrong” or “bad.”

Somehow in hearing that simple
wisdom, my interior storm ceased raging and was replaced by the serene waters
of truth.
From that day onward, I have come back to this beautiful and
timeless piece of advice, and it has centered me, calmed me and otherwise
helped me stay focused on taking each day at a time to do what is best for our
daughters – knowing they are unique and cannot be stuffed into a universal
box.
-Jeannie
Jeannie, Thank you for sharing your story! I too, have had to seek the "inner peace" and remind myself that it is not important what others think, but about what my instinct as a mom tells me.
ReplyDelete~Lisa Brown
Thank you, Lisa! I am sorry I just now saw your comment.
ReplyDelete